thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
