I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
