Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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