hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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