You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
