I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she pinky promised me she was 18
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
