i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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