I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I pour the whiskey from now on
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
