I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
