Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
