whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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