so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
