I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
