It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
