Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize