so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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