Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize