If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
