We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
