why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
