if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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