After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
