either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I am midnight drunk by noon
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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