He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
