She is in my trunk
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
