hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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