and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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