babies were throwing up all over the place
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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