I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
i need some magic done to my vagina
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
