Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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