Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
