Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
