i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
