There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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