I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
