I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
