Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
