aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
