how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
