mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
