can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
