If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
