Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
