bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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