STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
