I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
