When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
