after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
please don't ironically join a cult
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