I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
