I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize