she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Houston, we have a blender
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize