Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
