TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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