I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
