he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
