Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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