We won't sleep together?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
