we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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