Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
