I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
