so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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