omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
