I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
