i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
