i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
