it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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