Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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