I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Randomize