Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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