oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
