I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
