so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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