just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize