My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
