she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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