It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
