i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
