Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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