someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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