Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
