I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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