we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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