he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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