Define "chronic" masturbator.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
