You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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