What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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