we have officially lost it.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
