You're my little dorito
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
