Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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