I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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