You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
