He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
