grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
